Christ said, “your back is healed. Know me now through movement”.
So I got up and went tree climbing. Hours later, I’m pain free in my back. Movements that’d normally bring me pain are painless. What is going on here? Am I being healed by a power greater than therapy?
I pressed pause on my psychotherapy studies in 2019 because I wanted to deepen my walk with God. I kept up my own trauma release protocols and needed them. Facing life without the anchor of study, the support of a relationship, the clarity of direction was big for me. It brought up a lot of fear, which I faced and breathed and moved through my body.
As my year gathered momentum, something clear emerged – I was becoming something different. I was still me of course but I was being purified and distilled. A lot of emotional pain and turmoil came to the surface and left. I was being changed organically and without recourse to formal therapy.
Instead I read the Bible, talked to God over the fire and invited Christ to make himself known to me. The funny thing is, I don’t consider myself a religious man. I don’t think of myself as a Christian. I know I’m a man of God but I am also a child of the flesh. I love the earth and the senses. I mean, I got high all last week to take a break from the intensity and reward myself for a job well done. I had an awesome week smoking weed and climbing trees but it came at a cost. My lungs suffered and so did my connection to God. So today I gave myself to prayer. Today I reached out to God and the Christ. I reached out and found them there the way my hand finds the tree branch. They cleansed me again and continued my physical journey back to health.
All this makes me wonder, does the grace of God and love of Christ offer a healing balm that is beyond the reach of man made therapy?
If that’s true, what are the implications for myself as a therapist? I have the questions but not answers at this stage.
I think that love is a kind of touch. Touch that softens us enough to make contact with the truth of our experience, as it is, without judgement. Touch that emboldens us to surrender and relax the tension of our resistance to feel the truth of where we are at and what is real for us. I believe this love is at the heart of all therapy. I’ve no doubt helped my back heal through love, as I’ve brought it into my stretching, breathing, body awareness and exercise.
But today I’m pain free in a way I’ve never been and I started the day lying in bed, with the bible on my chest, crying before falling asleep and waking up to the voice of Christ in my head telling me my back is healed and to get moving.
I don’t know what to make of all this yet but I find it very interesting. Perhaps there is a tension that comes from being apart from God and that when we close that gap through prayer and faith or that gap is closed by Grace and providence, we are able to rest our bodies on some deep level and be in a way that is physically, emotionally and mentally healthier.
Whatever the answers are, I am enjoying exploring the relationship between God, Christ, therapy and healing.
This is a blessed path I’m walking and I am so fucking glad I trusted my intuition and took this year for God.